Kalyn Looks Forward to a Happier, Healthier Life
When Leslie expressed concern about my "moral compass," I knew she was trying to help. She has always wanted the best for me. Leslie has been an amazing godmother. We have our occasional fights, like any other mother and daughter, but at the end of the day we love each other and I know that she truly wants me to have the best in life.
The suggestion to have me baptized took me a little off-guard because I was brought up in a non-religious household. I believe in a higher power, but not in any one religion or their full beliefs. This made me express to Leslie that I did not want to be baptized in the form of a religious ceremony, but more as a way to clean the slate and start my life anew. I see this non-denominational baptism as a new start in a happy and healthy life.
I think that Leslie knows I've gone through a lot of pain in my life and a lot of these experiences have made me carry a lot of weight on my shoulders. I feel that she agrees that these parts of my past weigh heavy on my conscience and that it would help me have the feel of a new start to a happy and healthy life like I want.
My mother has always been lacking in the "mom" department, so when she made the decision to give Leslie some of the responsibility for raising me, it was almost like her coming to reality and seeing the situation for what it was.
I was completely crushed when Leslie told me my birth mother would be attending the baptism. I didn't want my mom to have any part of my chance at a new, happy life, but I've come to understand that Leslie makes choices that, in the end, will help me.
Leslie always has good intentions where I am concerned. I don't see her as trying to orchestrate anything negative, but maybe with an ulterior motive based in good intentions. I feel that with this new beginning, I would be able to come to peace with the bad things my mom has done to me in the past and start a new relationship with her, but my mother's unwillingness to change makes me feel that, in this new life, it would just be better to remove her from the equation to be sure she doesn't derail my happiness in my new journey. I thought the baptism was great until my mother tried to steal my moment.
Leslie's gift of sessions with a life coach was another example of something good she was trying to do for me. Like I have said, I know at the end of the day everything Leslie does is to make me happy and a better person.
I wasn't open to the idea of reconciliation with my mother at first, but Leslie persuaded me. My mother has done a lot to me in my past and has tried time and time again to convince me she has changed, but I have yet to see any of the changes she speaks of. Until that day comes around, I will not be able to forgive her.